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Nobody likes it when things change suddenly but for people with Autism it can feel like a ton of bricks falling on you rather than a simple irritation. One of the reasons for this is that it takes us longer to process stuff and longer to plan things to where we feel comfortable enough with them. So, when change happens suddenly it can be very upsetting and frightening rather than just simply annoying. Being upset and frightened can then lead to a defensive anger which all can lead to a total meltdown.
We can enable ourselves at getting better at dealing with sudden change but that does not mean we can always avoid a major reaction or meltdown towards change every time – when something unpredictable happens you cannot really ever say what your reaction will end up being. I myself have become a lot better at handling change as I have got older, some of us with Autism are also good at masking our true emotions to something – we may look totally fine on the outside while we’re tearing ourselves apart on the inside over something.
One of my biggest sudden change challenges recently was to do with one of my job interviews. Originally it was going to be a 1-on-1 interview (three of which I have had before so far) so I was a bit more comfortable with this and had also spent my days preparing for it through research and note-taking, as well as some mentoring and mock interviews.
So, you can imagine my panic when at the last minute the interview was suddenly changed from one that was 1-on-1 to one that was a group interview. Luckily the interview had been pushed back a few hours that same day when I found out but that did not change the fact that I was hardly prepared. I had practiced and prepared around the basis of a 1-on-1 interview – not a group interview of which I have never had before.
Since I had never seen the format of a group interview before or exactly how it works, I felt like I may not stand much of a chance. Specifically, I felt like I was simply going to be unable to get a word in edgeways as people went in to speak to answer any such questions put forth. This is usually the case when it comes to group conversations and so I thought it would perhaps be the case in a group interview as well and so this also further panicked me and made me lose some hope.
Nonetheless I pushed on instead of pulling out of it. I thought if I do not at least attempt it then I would never know how it would have gone and I would not be getting myself anywhere experience-wise with group interviews – so even if it did end up being a complete disaster, I still decided it was beneficial to give it a go.
This was the right decision to make, for me. In the end it was not that bad and I actually did better than I thought I would. Luckily there was a good structure to the group interview where the interviewer went through each person in turn to answer each question. The benefits of this were that not all of the attention was constantly on you like in 1-on-1 interviews (so I became more relaxed) and I had more time to think of a good answer for the question before they reached me (and you could take some tips from others answering the question before you), unlike in 1-on-1 interviews where you have a lot less time to think of an answer and it quickly becomes awkward when you struggle.
Some of the notes I stuck to the back of my wall behind my laptop were also still useful, including the questions I had chosen to ask. So, it did not become a disaster at all. It ironically was far more relaxed and easier than if the originally planned 1-on-1 interview had gone ahead.
That is now another thing I can add to my belt for the future – to not be worried about group interviews as much now if and when they happen again in the future. If I had not joined the group interview then I would still be in square 1 on that department.
Sometimes it may be best to try your hardest to embrace sudden changes, it often will come with its own benefits. But that is easier said than done. Each of us are different and some of us may simply not be able to go through with such sudden change. I know if I fast-forwarded back just a couple years I’d probably have skipped it.
But that is the other thing, I have built myself up to this point over the last few years by working to become more sociable, joining more groups and activities, joining programmes to improve my skills for employment and interviews, joining programmes to improve my education in areas of interest. All of these things have played a major role in why I am now dealing better with change when it happens and why I am a lot better at controlling my emotions and being less nervous and anxious in general.
You need to have a structure to get there rather than just trying to leap right to it. With strong foundations and a stable structure, you’re less likely to fall when things don’t go quite according to plan. And when you do fall or decide not to go through with something do not beat yourself up over it! That certainly will not help you out in the future. You must try to remain as positive about yourself as possible as that keeps your confidence up and that helps you with future engagements. Remember, mental health should always come first. Think of the positives, even if they seem small.
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