Having Autism for me means that progressing in life is more difficult and slower due to reasons such as not understanding things and also having trouble with the social demands of moving into life. It can be a real struggle and that cannot be evidenced enough at the fact that at the age of 21 I am only just opening my first bank account and that I have only just got my provisional license this year, and that is with a lot of help from my sister. Due to waiting for so long before opening these things or even creating a proper identity for myself made it very difficult to get a provisional license due to needing the right information to prove I exist, much of which I didn’t have as I have not properly progressed enough in life to obtain most of it under my own name, such as bills for example, which are one of two things required for proof of identity. Luckily in the end we were able to get a hold of a disability benefit payment statement with my name on it.
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It was all very frustrating and also depressing as it made me feel like I just didn’t exist, and in a world, I already feel like I didn’t fit into it made me further question that. And then the other annoyance of getting someone to countersign the provisional form to say that they know me, and it cannot be a family member who does this. Since I have no friends or even anybody, I know outside of family this was also a massive chore to complete, but in the end my sister did find a way to get it done by having a work colleague of hers countersign, which was good enough. But it again made me feel depressed and reflect on the fact that outside of family I don’t have anyone to rely on.
My social ‘needs’ if anything are replenished only by anonymous social medias and also watching videos of my favourite creators on Youtube and Twitch TV. That keeps me going and happy as I feel also that many people on anonymous media are also misfits as well and, in that aspect, I can identify with them more. Of course, anonymous social media has the benefit of being… well… anonymous so you don’t have a big risk of embarrassing yourself in real life, unless you are careless with your information on there, which I obviously don’t suggest, I have wrote previously a blogpost about doxing and ways to avoid it if you are interested and want some helpful tips from a humble anon social media veteran such as myself. As well as that with it being anonymous you can more be yourself as well, I feel, rather than faking it until you make it, which I don’t really believe in, unless of course you want to subject yourself to misery. The pressure of anon social media is also less to real life socialness and media which can feel more demanding, with anon social media you can do it whenever you want and take a break from it whenever you want, much more easily than you could with more normal forms of social behavior.
But at some point, I feel I needed to come out of my shell and slowly I am making my way towards doing that, as shown above in the first few paragraphs. I need to head in a direction of integrating myself and establishing myself into normal and average society. And I have many goals on a path to reaching my destination.
My first steps… getting a provisional license and opening a bank account have finally been completed at long last. And now this is where it really begins… of course now that I have my provisional license I am planning to actually learn how to drive and get my full driver’s license. Other things I have as goals are getting myself more experienced with relationships, which I am taking my first steps towards in online dating, my sub-goals here include learning to have structured conversations more to do with real life and getting more experience with a real life social life and ultimately my top goal is to get my first ever date, it is all for now about getting experience rather than throwing myself into a committed relationship which I know I am not yet ready for, it is baby steps. Other goals are to get a volunteer job to get myself more used to a working environment and hopefully also try and find some real-life friends to help expand and gain experience further in the social world.
The above are currently my main short-term goals. Long-term goals include going back into education and working towards a full-time job as well as getting my own place and living independently which is also my dream. My ultimate dream job goal is a political analyst for a media corporation or company. As well as that earning money from my blog and maybe even being able to live off the income my blog generates is another dream goal, I even hope that if my dream of becoming a political analyst works out, I would incorporate that into this blog itself, like many other political analysts do.
So above is the general structure of where I want to head my life to and understandably it is probably going to take a long time and most likely end up in a different outcome, which is what happens to many, they have dreams, but instead land somewhere else just as good and that they are content enough with. You just don’t know where life will take you once you start following your goals.
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