Autism is no small condition, it is something that affects you from birth all the way up until the time you leave the Earth and the affects it has on your life are very big and often times others may not even know how much it can manipulate the life of someone who has it, people with Autism themselves may not even realize the implications it has had on how their life has developed, likely compared to how it could have developed without having the condition.
There are so many aspects of life it can affect and sadly most of it is negative, but there can also be some positives to how Autism can affect our lives, it is just that it is difficult to find these things as we have to work much harder to push ourselves to the good that life has to offer all of us. It is a real strain and can often times feel torturous mentally, as it just feels so much like we just don’t fit into many things we come across or have to take part in. Isolation, anxiety and depression can be a common occurrence.
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But just as each individual neurotypical person is different, so too is each person with Autism, we are not each one in the same and so people with Autism are affected by the condition in different ways from others who have it and this can be down to the environment you live in, the type of Autism and where on the Autism Spectrum you are, the offers you have had in life so far and of course different interests and personalities very much exist within each person with Autism, we are all unique in our own way.
So today I am going to go over how Autism has affected me as an individual and the ways in that I try and deal with it.
Of course, without a doubt, most of the problems that have cropped up stem from how Autism affects the way I socialize and in some form that is true for everyone that has Autism as that is pretty much the largest part of what makes up what Autism is… the lack of ability to pick up on emotions, the lack of ability to see humour in many situations, the lack of an ability to make meaningful connections with many people, taking many things too literally and struggling to control my own emotions in an effective manner.
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All of the things listed above leads to isolation and isolation leads to feeling comfortable being isolated and will make it harder and harder each time to come out of that comfort zone as for me it felt easier to just stay there and not dabble in things I simply could not comprehend, such as trying to talk to others, making friends, making relationships and many other social activities, I simply just stayed away from to keep my own mental health and mind stable.
But although for the short-term the above made me feel happier and more secure, in later life it has led to lack of connections and in adult life a lack of connections can be a big red flag and makes it much more difficult to go through life, it means perhaps you won’t have the connections to find that job that really would have suited you, it means you don’t have the connections to meet other people in adult life and expand your social circle, it means you struggle with the ability to communicate your everyday wants and needs with the people you come into daily contact with, it means not as easily finding that special someone and just getting on with life, feelings of loneliness can end up resulting and that can lead to a bout of depression. Unemployment is rife with people who have Autism because it is simply just easier not going through such mental torture and as well as that, many people with Autism likely don’t have an impressive education merit or CV to show off to employers (I know I don’t), making it even more difficult. Again, this is because many people with Autism will quit education earlier, or miss out on much of the attendance at school, just to get away from the mental stress of it, as well as that many people with Autism need to be taught things in a certain way, otherwise we can struggle to understand it, one of the things I simply don’t get and really struggle with is math!
Luckily for me I had a good time in Primary school, but Secondary school is where I ended up going downhill, I just simply didn’t fit in to such a large hustling and bustling puzzle and I was bullied for being weird and different which made it all the more difficult and many of the teachers don’t take Autism into account and when you fall behind on work or don’t act in a normal fashion many of these teachers don’t understand why and will give you a very hard time for it, in the end I could no longer take it and I ended up missing an entire year and a half of education before the Education Board would finally allow me to have a statement that allowed me to go to a Special Needs School, after this my health and wellbeing drastically improved and I became happy again and felt like I fitted in much more better around people with similar problems, but unfortunately due to the system being slow to get me there, my education was already damaged beyond repair.
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Despite the school I attended being very, comfortable and secure, I still didn’t end up making any long-time friends, I did make some friends, but the friendships I did make were not built deep (another trait of Autism) and so after I had finished school these friendships all ended up going away and I was once again isolated and the next big hurdle in life was on its way to me… college. Unlike schools, there were not really any Special Needs colleges out there and ones that were, were still not really for me, not really for people with high-functioning Autism, but rather for people with much different more severe conditions and so I ended up going to a normal college where I did animal care, as I love animals and could not think of anything else to do at the time. The best part of the college was the animals… and the food, but that was it and despite trying to fit in really hard it still just didn’t work out and I felt like a complete alien around everybody else.
Although I really tried to just tough it out and bare it, it reached a point after about a year and a half, where I had a total mental breakdown and became extremely depressed and my anxiety just went through the roof and I dreaded each and every college day to the point where I really was becoming ill, at that point my mum decided to pull me out, I spent a few months off and in the end I did luckily come back and finish the rest of my work and completed the course, but after that I really was done with it and I could not bring myself to do anymore college courses.
This was about 2-3 years ago and since then I have not really done much else except house chores and just surfing the web in my comfort zone but again, I was very happy for about the 1st year and a half but after that my mum had an aneurysm and a lot has changed, something like that is life changing and it made me realize that time on Earth can be short, even though she didn’t die (she had severe brain damage), but it still changed my view on life and sometimes I regret perhaps not continuing education or trying to make more of my life since then and try and also be more positive about things.
My sister’s idea of starting this blog to try and do something with my life is the first step in trying to put my life on to a more positive track and do something with it, in my own way, something I know I am comfortable with. But I also know I still need to do more to change things, for example I really need to try and get out into the world more and attempt to make some social connections, by using my hobbies to my advantages, I am looking out for activities to join up to and I have even tried a bit of online dating as well, although I have not yet scored any actual dates I have done a bit of chatting and so that has given me more confidence, it is little baby steps, in my mind as long as you are going forward and not staying still, it is fine, go at your own pace, but just make sure you ARE at least moving forward in some way, even if it is just little by little, that is still a good thing and you are trying. #
Although I can’t really give too many tips right now, I can suggest some resources that can help you on your way to connecting with others, try checking out forums such as WrongPlanet and Sub-Reddits on Reddit such as /r/Aspergers and /r/Autism among others on there, also check out the text/voice messaging service Discord and try and find some servers on it to do with social connections, gaming, chatting, your other hobbies, search for resources and social activities to do with your hobbies and so on, just remember, be careful who you are talking to on the internet and don’t give away personal information, sadly not everyone can be trusted in life, which can make these sort of things even harder for us. Good luck!
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