Featured Photo: By Pixabay.com from Pexels.
Something I find I have a problem with is having normal functioning emotions, which I am sure is a common trait among people with Autism, in that emotion comes through in a different way and sometimes not at all. For me personally, it really seems to depend, I have a lot of compassion for things I am interested in and I have compassion for life and the safety of life. If someone is sad it makes me sad. These emotions for me, I believe, are fairly normal among most people—but some with Autism do not always feel these emotions, through no fault of their own they can be selfish.
The emotions I feel I have a disconnect with are the ability for love, as in love towards someone that leads to a relationship, whether this works for me or not is flip floppy at best, I can go through periods, months even, where I feel no ounce of attraction to anyone. I could scroll through dating websites during these times and find absolutely no one that gives me that feeling of attraction and it is not due to them just not looking appealing to me, it simply just seems to be that at some point that emotion just doesn’t exist for whatever reason, sometimes it is there, other times it is not. It can make me feel very strange and broken when I am going through one of these periods, because the basic human instinct is to be with someone and reproduce, so when you don’t have feelings for anyone then your body tries to tell you something is wrong.
I have no interest in sex, I have never found the concept interesting and, although I cannot be 100% sure as I have never actually been with anyone, I am still fairly confident I identify as an asexual, or at the least, a demisexual, meaning for whatever reason, sex just doesn’t appeal to me and I have no feeling to pursue it, it doesn’t excite me like it does many others. It probably doesn’t help that I don’t like being touched by other people, I am also not a fan of hugs and this, as someone with Autism, often comes as little surprise, most people with Autism don’t like physical contact with others, even close family members. So all of this I would also assume feeds into how romance plays into my life, I believe sex has a big part in being attracted to people, so if you are someone who is not interested in sex, then love is probably harder to feel, at least, that is what I see it as. But that still doesn’t mean I don’t find others attractive, as I have said, I do, but that feeling is rare at best. I can say I have only ever had one real crush in my 21 years of life so far. If I were to vision the perfect relationship for me, it would be one entirely based on romance and love, not sex.
If anything, the only real person I have ever truly loved in life is myself and again I believe that is how many people with Autism feel, that they are their own best friend. I find that my daily routine plays a role in this as well, I am my best friend as I like doing what I like doing, others won’t want to do exactly what I like to do every day and so I don’t see them as a best friend—and here we have some of my selfishness coming through—but that is what it is, a daily routine is very important for the happiness and wellbeing of people like me, with Autism. The thought of my daily routine being interrupted over a long period of time by someone I made friends with, scares me.
Perhaps one day I will be in the exact circumstance where I will find someone I fit correctly with in a relationship, but for now I do not see it for numerous reasons, including as I have said, my emotions not working as a normal persons would and the happiness of keeping my daily routine sound and the difficulties and awkwardness of social interactions. As well as that, I have no real job, as of yet no real income and I am very much behind the average person, I still have a long way to go, which dampens even further the prospect of a relationship. I think one day in the future, if everything works out, it can happen, but it will probably be a while yet, but I do still hope to go out on some dates to experience a little bit of what it is like, but to be realistic, I must keep any romantic relationships in the short-term and train myself up.
Thank you for reading this post, if you have any queries please Email me, you can find my Email in the Contacts & Community section. Please also follow The Weekly Rambler on Twitter and Facebook which you can access through the buttons at the bottom of this website. You can also use the social media buttons under each blogpost to share with your family, friends and associates. You can also subscribe to Email notifications at the right-side of this website to know whenever a new post goes up (you can easily unsubscribe from this at any time through a button in each Email notification), or alternatively you can use an RSS Feed Reader. Please also join my FB Group The Weekly Ramblers Readers Group where readers can more easily talk with each other and also with me whenever I am on, you can also find it in Community.